not so good at all right now

ugh. i don't even know where to begin. i can barely type i am crying so hard.

the birthday party today was a huge success! such a large turn-out and there was soooo much food. my salad disappeared in seconds - they ate it! and everyone had some of the cranberry sauce and the ginger-lemonade was drained.

and then we all went home for quick naps and then to got ready for the halloween dance.

we were all having such a good time at the dance. all of us. just about everyone dressed up and in funny costumes - no devils or demons or anything. we were all so tired but proud of the work we had done on the Fire Hall. and we were all dancing even though we were all tired. we were having so much fun.

but some people from another town showed up. and were rowdy. and raucous. and we all kept an eye on them out of the corners of our eyes. but we still were having so much fun.

and then the fighting started. i can't explain the hows or whys right now - they just don't make sense. and in trying to keep the fighting parties separated - somehow we all ended up outside the community centre. and tried to keep some people away from other people. jambaloney and i were both trying to calm different people down and then out of nowhere - someone sucker-punched jambaloney. it was so cowardly. they hit him when his back was turned. and hit him hard. he landed on his elbow and then his head bounced off the concrete. everyone was yelling and screaming and i didn't know what was happening until i saw my rock, my angel, my soulmate, my life - laying in a pool of blood on the road.

our first responders did an excellent job. he was unconscious for only a minute or two. he never saw that punch coming - it came from behind him. when we called 911 and learned that the ambulance was being dispatched from over an hour away...the first responders boarded him and brought him into the hall. i was hysterical. everyone took turns holding me and kissing me and telling me it would be ok. then i layed on the floor in front of jambaloney and kept him talking.

at one point, someone told our matriarch to get me up dancing so that i would stop crying. that's when jambaloney called out to our BIG friend Harvey to come over and hold his hand. everyone laughed. me and Harvey held his hand for the next 30 mins - Harvey never let go once.

the ambulance came and it was an hour and 20 minutes to get to the hospital. i rode up front with the driver who talked to me the whole drive. two paramedics were in the back with jambaloney and they kept him talking the whole time - there were a few times i heard the three of them guffawing!

jambaloney's elbow had a lump on it about the size of a large watermelon. one side of his face was swollen to twice the normal size. and he got 12 stitches in the back of his head. and they drained his elbow.

we got to the hospital at 1amish. our friends came and picked us up at about 7ish. jambaloney held it together the whole time. we had a wonderful attending nurse and doctor. they saw him and fixed him up right away.

i only cried for about an hour when it happened. once we were in the ambulance the driver kept me talking which kept me from crying. i didn't cry at the hospital at all nor on the drive home.

but now that he is in bed...and i have made sure that he is comfortable with a gazillion pillows all propped up and around him...now i can't stop crying. i just can't. i wish it had of been me that was cold-cocked. i could handle that better. i never want to see him like that again.

he looks a right mess. but is incredibly healthy and strong and a good healer. but i just had a brush with his mortality. and i need to take better, better, better care of him.

i cannot ever let this happen again.